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Sunday, 24 December 2017

Blogmas Day 12: Dear Santa... (What I Want For Christmas)

This will be my last post for 2017. 
The least few months on Bulleting Bird have been absolutely splendid, fun and challenging in all the right ways. However, that also means I've had no time to run maintenance, analyse insights, optimise the website, or just sit back and breathe! 
So, with this post, I will be going on a blogging break until New Year's Day. Don't worry, though, my Instagram, Twitter and E-mail will still be 100% functional! Just no more new blog posts until 2018. 
Thank you so much for all your amazing, continued support, and I wish you an amazing Christmas, and a safe, hangover-free New Year!

December 24th, 2017.

Dear Santa,

I know I'm far too old to be writing you, but I hear you're not agist.

I never had a real Christmas as a child, and I can't believe all the wonder and joy I missed. My first real taste of Christmas was at the age of nineteen. But that's cool, I totally forgive you!

This year, I've been very, very good. I graduated with Honours. I got over acute, severe depression and life-long anxiety, and I even stopped self-harming.

This year, I survived.

I learned to say 'no' to every situation and person that made me uncomfortable, and gained the courage to let go of everything that kept me down. I stepped out of my comfort zone, blasted through my shell, and really put myself out there. I let more people into my life, and shared as much as I could, and then some. I'm very proud of how I've grown this year, and I think you would be, too.

It's funny how the magic of Christmas comes alive the second December begins. I've never played in the snow, but I imagine the blanket of white makes it all even more magical - kind of like walking on a cloud! For Christmas this year, I want every child to find that magic and wonder.

They say that Christmas is a time for family and love. The only family I'm really close to is right here in our home - Mum, Dad and Summer. For Christmas, I want all of them to find joy and grace in every moment. I want them to have all the comforts and luxuries they desire. I want to be able to express my love to them more openly, and I want to learn how to accept the love they give me.

Speaking of love, let's talk for a second about Mistletoe. How on Earth did it become a thing for people to kiss under a branch of Mistletoe? Seriously, no plant should have so much power.

This year, I had to let go of my first serious romantic relationship. It was the perfect relationship with all the adorable little moments and the sweet pictures and the amazing butterflies....until it wasn't. I can't help but feel a little wistful about what I had to give up. Now I know that if it was meant to be, it would have lasted, and that I am now available for a much better relationship that will truly help me grow - and that was it, wasn't it? I'd outgrown the relationship - but I can't help the loneliness. For Christmas this year, I really don't want to be alone. And while I'm not going to put massive expectations and ridiculous burdens on you, all I want is to know that it will be okay - that I won't be alone forever.

But most of all, what I want for Christmas this year is Hope.

The first time I lost hope was five years ago, when I had to defer attending University simply because we had no money. (I won't even go into my thoughts on the ridiculous costs of getting a decent education, that's a whole separate letter in and of itself.)

The next time was when I had to take a nine-hour flight all alone, with five large pieces of luggage and no prior international travel experience. Then, I was convinced I wouldn't be able to return to University for my second year. and then my third. Somehow, it all worked out anyway, despite my lack of hope!

Now, I am putting all of my time and effort into a new career commitment, and hope is exactly what I need.

And finally, Santa, I want to be able to make a difference to this world. I want to make sure that every child gets the education s/he deserves. I want to help every lost and terrified young person discover their passion. I want to show my peers and my elders that it is okay to chase our dreams, that it is safe for us to be ourselves, and that it is important to find our gifts and share them with the world.

I want to wake up on Christmas Day, 2018, and know that in the last 365 days, I brought more to this world than I took from it.

Of course, the milk is in the fridge, cookies are in the jar, and carrots are in the veg tray - it's 2017, please feel free to help yourself!

Thank you so much for being the magic I believe in, and don't worry, I'll write you every year.

All my love,

The Entire Blogmas Series:

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